vacation letdown

You know how when you go on vacation and then come home, it's good to be home for like a minute, but then there's a major letdown and you're like, what the heck am I doing here, can I just leave again because there's no point to all of this crap that I'm doing?  Yeah well, that was me at the beginning of this week, and it was totally unexpected because I didn't really think I went on vacation.  My parents visited, so they went on vacation, but I didn't think I was getting one because I had to stay here. However, I did technically get vacation because we hung out all week, I didn't have to work, and I had a "vacation" from my everyday environment.  So, after they left there was a major letdown.  My health has been better, which has been a huge blessing, but I was really struggling with feeling like maybe God made a mistake by calling me here....like, am I really making a difference?  Yeah, people like me, but is God really using me?  Was this really necessary, especially since I've been so sick?  What is the point of all this?  Maybe next time God you could pick someone who has a stronger stomach, and likes beans, and doesn't mind getting really dirty, and doesn't freak out over cockroaches and spiders? 

So, I started listening to one of Rob Bell's sermons from this past April that I had heard and loved, and knew I needed to hear it again.  It's called The Sacred Waste, and he talks about how all God asks us to do is make the sacrifice---use the gifts He has given us.  We don't get to control the outcome, all we need to do is use our gifts, sacrifice ourselves, and that is sacred.  As long as we are doing that, nothing is wasted.  It's easy to think that this time or that relationship was a waste because nothing seemed to come of it, but the sacrifice, the love poured into it, makes it sacred.  The people that I'm meeting with, talking to, hugging, smiling at, loving---it's not wasted. 

Now if only I could remember all this consistently!  Seems like I remember, then forget, then remember, forget, etc.  The vacation letdown week ended up turning out pretty well once I got myself put on the right track.  I know God brought me here for a reason, even if I can't seem to figure it out.  That's probably where trust comes in huh?  That's so stinkin hard for me.