I received a friendly reminder from my (awesome) brother that I haven't posted in awhile, but I kind of feel at a loss for words at the end of the day. So I'm trying to squeeze this in at the beginning, before the yells of "we're loading up!" come heading this way. And I was just informed that since I was the last one in the van yesterday, I'd better be the first one there today! Definitely different from living with the Guatemalan family! (UPDATE: I didn´t make it. I´m finishing this later in the day. But I was the second one in the van AND I got the front seat!!)
When I asked my brother what he thought I should write about, he said "feelings and junk." So here goes...
The schedule of language school and the shelter is hard some days, very tiring because it requires a lot of thinking and leaves me drained, but I do enjoy it. I'm leading groups at the shelter and the women are really connecting with them. Last week we continued to talk about self esteem, and they had a lot to share, a couple of them opening up and sharing more than they ever had. However, it´s also really hard and sad to hear their stories and absorb all of the stuff they´ve been through. One woman used to be in a gang and had her first child at the age of 13. She has three children now, her youngest is 1 year old. Only the one year old is living with her, the other two have been taken away because she abused them. She was talking to me about feeling jealous and upset because she feels one of the other women is being treated differently than she is, and she said when she was in the gang, they dealt with things like this by killing the other person, and she has been crying and praying and begging God to change her feelings because she wants to change and not be this person that killed people. Thankfully, we´re learning about self esteem and she is seeking God for her answers and change. But it´s really hard to take all of this in.
This past weekend I was really missing home, and missing my Guatemalan family and community, so I went back to Villa Nueva to visit them. It felt really good to go back and hang out there for the day. I saw my boys that I had been teaching, and they are attending a for real school now! It´s a little challenging for them, but they like it. The oldest boy is having the hardest time and needs more to do because he only goes to school on Saturdays, but he´s doing his best. The boys showed me that they put a picture of me on their wall, and I started crying! They are so precious. The oldest started crying too when I told him how precious he is and how much value he has, and how he is going to do great things in his life. He doesn´t get to hear that, but I pray that he believes it. So many precious people in that community, part of my family now and I just love them! Pablito is 2 now and he talks so well! I ran up to him and he said Hola Amy right away! Melted my heart.
I´m getting lots of questions about what I´m going to do when I go home, since it´s just six weeks away, and it´s making me really anxious. Short answer: No idea. Long answer: I really really have no idea but I´m trying really hard to trust God with it. I´ve been trying to figure it out, what I ¨should¨ do, but then I discovered that really, I don´t need to figure it out. God will show me, and he is able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. At first I was focusing on the Bible verse Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. And I thought, well, I really want this one thing, but God won´t do that for me because I´ve had to wait for all of these other desires that I have and the job that I had got taken away from me, etc. But then someone pointed out to me that what we have or think we want isn´t necessarily what´s good for us, or what we need to be desiring. I could be desiring crack cocaine, but God´s not gonna give me that. (For the record, I´m not desiring crack cocaine, that was an example). I was upset when I lost my job but the job I had wasn´t really the job I wanted to do. I didn´t like it that much. So even though I may have this desire and I think it´s a good one, one that would honor Him and be for His glory, He will do immeasurably more than I can imagine, and I will sit here and trust that and try not to get anxious about it.
Prayer requests: That I could hear God´s voice as I look to the future, and see Him working as I enjoy today. Pray for some of my friends in Villa Nueva: Federico, Darvin, Sandra, Pastor Jorge, Jorgito and Shirley. Pray for my good friends Rueben and Sunday and their baby Danika at home in GR, as Danika has surgery today to take out precancerous cells that were found in a tumor on the back of her leg.
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